For some strange reason I have trained in a field for so long, one that I have so loved and loathed simultaneously. For the better part of 27 years I have been out to sea in some sort or fashion; from teaching Rules of the Road to beginner Mariners, to sailing large ships and towing 900 foot container barges, to everything in between. I love the sea, the smell of it, the unobstructed sunrises and sunsets every day, the gales, the calms, the wildlife underneath, and the wildlife on board at times. I have seen things only seen in books, magazines and on television; humpback whales eyeing me from a few feet away and Orca whales splashing my boat with their tail passing by me in False Pass through the Alaskan Island Chain. Sunsets at 3am on the northern slope that turn into sunrises without ever losing sight of the sun, (I have pictures). The loathing side, which I temporarily forgot about, is the fact that I have to spend so much time away from family. Long story short, I have this weird duality I have been faced with for years, ever since I was born-again in the spirit, about “Letting go and letting God” versus “God helps those who help themselves”. These two are baffling at times, I have heard both of these terms for years but they contradict each other immensely. So when I retired from the Coast Guard a few weeks ago, I was done as far as I was concerned with the marine industry and was ready to go to work for God on His terms. Herein lies the problem, I do not have the money to not work further, nor do I want to continue in the industry I have been in for the last 27 years, but this labor of love of working for God doesn’t pay enough to pay rent and put my children through college, etc. Now to throw one more hook into the mix, I have a book on the market called Miracle at the Garage, which has recently gotten to #8 on the best sellers list with the Crossbooks bookstore as well at the same time became the reader’s pick of the month. All of which is well and good and awesome and I give Him all the glory, but will it be enough to let go of possible jobs and put my faith in Him to make this book work? So, do I let go of the other possible jobs and put my faith in Him and the book He asked me to write? Or, do I help myself in whatever fashion I can in the marine industry, knowing He gave me the skills to do this very thing, and knowing He will continue to bless me there?
It seems the more I hear from Him and the more I listen to His word and pray, the more I hear the words “Let go”, and less do I hear the words “God helps those who help themselves” which as I write this I am hearing and understanding from Him that the latter are man’s words, not His. So I throw my arms up in defeat, so to speak, let Him and His Blessings take root, and pray that I and my family will be taken care of through all of this. Tell me, am I stupid for giving up on the life I have known for 27 years? Or is the blessing in letting go of those 27 years that were old and before my being born-again, so I ought to let them go? A conundrum to say the least, but will always know that no matter what I choose, He will not let me nor my family, starve to death. Praise God in everything big and small.