Realizing dreams are reduced to Loving God,
Above all my hope in dreams have become,
Dreams of Hope in Love.
Clipped wings, falling straight down,
Bound by the flesh and the world which consumes,
I’ve misused my faith and gone astray,
Swayed from the love which feeds to the
sin that leads to death.
Climbing back on track,
before we reach the depths below,
Slow is this track back to His Glory,
My story is not finished yet Nate!!
Father please restore to me my place in your kingdom,
I’ve known no other freedom with a foundation,
Such a foundation based on this relationship,
No money or muscle could get me there,
No war, power, or fame, and no conjured blame,
Could I point my finger to for the Stray!!
I alone missed the mark Lord! Me!
Flew past it in pursuit of the dark,
Found that in this stride I let slide,
the one thing that made this life mine, You!!
A Love that satisfies any lust,
A love that frees us from the by product of mis-trust,
A love that gives us the ability to Love our neighbors,
and hate the sin.
A love that begins and ends in thanks on our knees,
in thanks to our dreams
in thanks to our friends,
in thanks to our future and our memories.
You, father, are the reason for hope,
I am the dope that dropped the ball,
Begging forgiveness and the return or your ring
upon my naked hand,
I’ve not crash landed to my death yet,
Help me to lean on you,
Rise above the filth that i trudge through,
and be the man you once knew.
Here I am Lord pick me,
Standing on my knees to give you everything,
A dirty heart in Hand,
Help me to understand my foe,
Woe is me, who feigned his trust in Thee,
and let go of this only worthy dream.
I stand before you broken and contrite,
Fallen without a fight,
Arm in arm with the untrusting lust of the world,
and hurlded into Hell on earth.
Jesus let my death be more glorious than my earthly birth,
Help me to trust in your Spirit, Oh Lord!!
With Sword in hand,
and able to stand in the midst of adversity and shame,
Tame my heart and strengthen my soul,
for you Lord and only you can make me whole.
God’s beauty in a glimpse of time, I await patiently to have the time I need to get centered with Him again. He is so awesome and has given me so much, but here I sit and not stop to pray but to tell others that I am not praying, but writing about not praying. I am so screwed up sometimes. I have had the time to fast lately, but did I? No!! Will I? Not unless I get conviction from God, of which I am sure I won’t, because He does not interfere with Free will. I wish that He would sometimes as my ego, lust, and other sinning gets in the way. I am not completely without scruples, as I do get conviction when I do something wrong, but not if I don’t do something right, you know what I mean? Anyway, I am asking for prayer for me to have time with the Lord, prayer for my book Miracle at the Garage, to help give me more time to spend with Him, and to bless others with, and I am asking for prayer for the men’s group called the Garage. (Where the book comes from). Thank you ahead of time for that. I ask blessings from God on those who have prayed and who thought about it, and even for those of you who decided to think I was nuts and not pray, I still ask for blessings on you too. None of us are perfect, I am the least of anyone I know, as I know how bad my sinning had been in the past, and how not good I am still. I try, but fail everyday. If it were not for God, I would be dead in a ditch covered in my sin as a blanket. As I used to hide in that blanket, no matter how many times I washed it, it was still filthy, it is sin. I love the comfort of the lord so much more than that old useless blanket, but tstill i pull it out and try to hide in it. The holes in it though make me apparent to others.
In my time as a Christian, I was on a roller coaster of highs and lows while trudging through the unknown with Him, and as i would get on that high, i was like Solomon and would take over and kick God off his throne and put myself there. I have done it more than once and feel like I am doing it again as I take advantage of the blessings He has afforded me. I am not worthy to take over my life, I want to stay humbled in His blood, and grace, as to not give myself any credit, as I look back I can see He was the one who ordained this life. Yet still I do not give Him credit when worldly people talk to me about my job, i take the credit. How bad am I?
God, father, give me the strength and conviction I need to give you all of the credit for this life I have been unworthily given. I am your child, please continue to mold me as you would have me be. Do not allow me to stray too far as I have a tendency to do things on my own. Father, bless me and my family, bless those who continue to read these blogs, and bless those who are without food, water, shelter or clothing. Again, thank you for your blessings on me, and lastly, forgive me, as I am sinner, one of the worst I have ever known. Truly I love you, in Jesus mighty name,
So I came home, leaving a good paying job to do so. After about 10 months without work, the bills were beginning to pile up. I needed some quick money and the only thing I knew how to do was to sell drugs. I made the decision to go back to the only life I knew. On my way to Suffolk to start selling drugs again, I turned down the wrong road and something drew me into a church parking lot, where I intended to just turn around. It ended up being the right road, and my life did turn around, it changed forever that day.
“Something had driven me to go this direction and I actually stopped in a parking space. I just sat there and turned the truck off and started having a conversation with God right there. I thought I was going crazy. I did not understand at first what was going on, but I knew it was Him. I had never heard from Him like this before. That is when I said, ‘God, if you are real then kill me or change me.’ He answered my prayers and did both. Instantly He killed the old Anthony and changed me forever.”
“While I was out there in the parking lot, a lady had come out to see what I was doing, asked me if I was okay, as I said ‘yeah, I think so’. She worked in the office of the church, making the comment to someone else in the church that there was a crazy guy out in the parking lot who looks like he just came from a motorcycle gang. Then the youth pastor came out andI began to talk to him, and ended up going inside the church with him. We sat in the youth room and talked for a few hours in there and he invited me to come back to church that night. I came back that night to the service sat in the back row and gave my life to Christ.
That is when I actually prayed the sinners’ prayer. The youth pastor resigned that next day. It was orchestrated from God to happen, otherwise I probably would not have been saved if I had come there any later.
May I sing you a song?
Death trailing all of us,
I missed you at dawn,
Sun going down,
Margaritas in hand,
The warmth of the Keys,
December in the sand.
Mother I miss you,
Cry for you in my sleep,
Reminiscing of days I would love to repeat,
How do I let them know?
I am not who they think,
Oh mother please,
Point me the way,
Into a new-fangled ease.
A year ago today,
I cried at your side,
Held your hand tight,
Whispered in your ear,
And kissed you good-bye,
For this I know,
I’ll never let anyone inside,
I’m sorry God.
But if I were you, I would appeal to God;
I would lay my cause before him.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted.
He provides rain for the earth;
he sends water on the countryside.
You know I try really hard to let other know about the Love Jesus but I am not so good at conversation. I am much better at the written word. But all in all, between the two, I still would love to lead others to the Lord. I know it is not in my power, but I would love to see the fruits of the labors of my book Miracle at the Garage. I would like to know if others have been blessed at all, or if I was able to get them on the path at least. I have to know that, with God asking me to write the book that He will be true to finish the work. So I am passing the torch to Jesus, and I am going to continue to write about His love and about His grace and the Miracles he has done in my life in every venue i can find. Not to promote the book so to speak, as much as it is a manual that shows the truth of what God has done and can do for any one of us. Not to make a financial profit, (although every 25 cents i make does help a little, which is about the size of the profit on each book, less so on the e-book), but to make a spiritual difference to others, as I now know the truth of Him and His life and why He loves us so much. I was blind and now I see. Still I would like to know that I have done what He wanted me to do. He has provided so wonderfully for me, and to think I actually doubted His existence, but also I doubted Him after i was saved when it came to me finding work, yet still He provided beyond my expectations. Amen.
Father God, thank you for your son Jesus Christ, in whom I have placed so much hope and love. Thank you for your love and your touch on my life and family, as without you I would be lost. Father, forgive me for I am a sinner, with a sinners heart, and I rely on you daily to keep me mindful of you. Please surround us with your love and blessings, and thank you for not condemning me when I was not trusting you completely. In Jesus mighty name,