In the midst of having a few hiccups along the way with this new job I still love it. I have made a few mistakes and have learned from them, but I do really love it. My most difficult part is my feeling of unworthiness for the position as well as the feeling of being unfairly compared to others there. I do not think it is happening though except in my brain. I grew up with the “life lesson” of “never expect to be praised for a job you are supposed to do”. The biggest failure of that statement is that if you never receive praise you may feel inadequate. I know that this is nothing more than the fear of man, and that God has placed me in this position. I spoke of that in a blog a few weeks ago, so we all know it was God’s hand in this.
So what do we do with this fear of man? Letting go and letting God is such a broad statement and it is never that simple. Praising him in the morning in the evening and all the day long will get rid of the feeling of unworthiness. Because if you realy think about it, it matters not what others think about us, it matters that GOD loves us in our entirety. He loves our inadequacies, our pain, our difference, our hang-ups, and our struggles. He knows ever hair on our head, and with that, he knows us and cares for us, more than we care for ourselves. We don’t even know the hair on our head. I have no hair so I have made it easier for him to know more of me :-).
I went to the psalms this morning and Psalm 108 through 113 really got my attention as to fear, and where it should be directed.
Praise the Lord!
Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
Who delights greatly in His commandments.
2 His descendants will be mighty on earth;
The generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches will be in his house,
And his righteousness endures forever.
4 Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness;
He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.
5 A good man deals graciously and lends;
He will guide his affairs with discretion.
6 Surely he will never be shaken;
The righteous will be in everlasting remembrance.
7 He will not be afraid of evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
8 His heart is established;
He will not be afraid,
Until he sees his desire upon his enemies.
9 He has dispersed abroad,
He has given to the poor;
His righteousness endures forever;
His horn will be exalted with honor.
10 The wicked will see it and be grieved;
He will gnash his teeth and melt away;
The desire of the wicked shall perish.