Bent Wings

Bending wings against the outer realm,

Realizing dreams are reduced to Loving God,

Above all my hope in dreams have become,

Dreams of Hope in Love.

Clipped wings, falling straight down,

Bound by the flesh and the world which consumes,

I’ve misused my faith and gone astray,

Swayed from the love which feeds to the

sin that leads to death.

Climbing back on track,

before we reach the depths below,

Slow is this track back to His Glory,

My story is not finished yet Nate!!

Father please restore to me my place in your kingdom,

I’ve known no other freedom with a foundation,

Such a foundation based on this relationship,

No money or muscle could get me there,

No war, power, or fame, and no conjured blame,

Could I point my finger to for the Stray!!

I alone missed the mark Lord! Me!

Flew past it in pursuit of the dark,

Found that in this stride I let slide,

the one thing that made this life mine, You!!

A Love that satisfies any lust,

A love that frees us from the by product of mis-trust,

A love that gives us the ability to Love our neighbors,

and hate the sin.

A love that begins and ends in thanks on our knees,

in thanks to our dreams

in thanks to our friends,

in thanks to our future  and our memories.

You, father, are the reason for hope,

I am the dope that dropped the ball,

Begging forgiveness and the return or your ring

upon my naked hand,

I’ve not crash landed to my death yet,

Help me to lean on you,

Rise above the filth that i trudge through,

and be the man you once knew.

Here I am Lord pick me,

Standing on my knees to give you everything,

A dirty heart in Hand,

Help me to understand my foe,

Woe is me, who feigned his trust in Thee,

and let go of this only worthy dream.

I stand before you broken and contrite,

Fallen without a fight,

Arm in arm with the untrusting lust of the world,

and hurlded into Hell on earth.

Jesus let my death be more glorious than my earthly birth,

Help me to trust in your Spirit, Oh Lord!!

With Sword in hand,

and able to stand in the midst of adversity and shame,

Tame my heart and strengthen my soul,

for you Lord and only you can make me whole.



Sunset on the Chesapeake

Sunset on the Chesapeake

God’s beauty in a glimpse of time, I await patiently to have the time I need to get centered with Him again.  He is so awesome and has given me so much, but here I sit and not stop to pray but to tell others that I am not praying, but writing about not praying.  I am so screwed up sometimes.  I have had the time to fast lately, but did I?  No!!  Will I?  Not unless I get conviction from God, of which I am sure I won’t, because He does not interfere with Free will.  I wish that He would sometimes as my ego, lust, and other sinning gets in the way.  I am not completely without scruples, as I do get conviction when I do something wrong, but not if I don’t do something right, you know what I mean?  Anyway, I am asking for prayer for me to have time with the Lord, prayer for my book Miracle at the Garage, to help give me more time to spend with Him, and to bless others with, and I am asking for prayer for the men’s group called the Garage.  (Where the book comes from).  Thank you ahead of time for that.  I ask blessings from God on those who have prayed and who thought about it, and even for those of you who decided to think I was nuts and not pray, I still ask for blessings on you too.  None of us are perfect, I am the least of anyone I know, as I know how bad my sinning had been in the past, and how not good I am still.  I try, but fail everyday.  If it were not for God, I would be dead in a ditch covered in my sin as a blanket.  As I used to hide in that blanket, no matter how many times I washed it, it was still filthy, it is sin.  I love the comfort of the lord so much more than that old useless blanket, but tstill i pull it out and try to hide in it.  The holes in it though make me apparent to others.

In my time as a Christian, I was on a roller coaster of highs and lows while trudging through the unknown with Him, and as i would get on that high, i was like Solomon and would take over and kick God off his throne and put myself there.  I have done it more than once and feel like I am doing it again as I take advantage of the blessings He has afforded me.  I am not worthy to take over my life, I want to stay humbled in His blood, and grace, as to not give myself any credit, as I look back I can see He was the one who ordained this life.  Yet still I do not give Him credit when worldly people talk to me about my job, i take the credit.  How bad am I?

God, father, give me the strength and conviction I need to give you all of the credit for this life I have been unworthily given.  I am your child, please continue to mold me as you would have me be.  Do not allow me to stray too far as I have a tendency to do things on my own.  Father, bless me and my family, bless those who continue to read these blogs, and bless those who are without food, water, shelter or clothing.  Again, thank you for your blessings on me, and lastly, forgive me, as I am sinner, one of the worst I have ever known.  Truly I love you, in Jesus mighty name,



Do you trust in God EVERYTHING?


Men’s group this morning.  What great revelations into God’s plans for us.  I talked in another blog about Letting Go and letting God.  It is scriptural, but (big but) it is such an easy phrase to blurt out, when it is not that easy to actually do.  Those of you who are saved will remember that day you were saved by the Spirit, and that there was nothing else in the world that mattered except for that Love of God that was flowing in like a river and wonderfully overwhelming.  Well since then, and me included, we tend to pick up things along the way.  We pick back up our lives where we left them, though we should not have resumed where we left off.  When we are saved in the spirit God strips us of everything good and bad and replaces His love with it all, then gives us back what He wants to bless us with.  So in all essence, everything we have comes from Him.  Well I have had the tendency to pick up some of the things myself and hold on to them as if I had gained that under my own power.  I know that my wife and children were given to me, but still I act sometimes as if I had something to do with all of that.  My house that “I worked hard for”, I know it is a blessing from God and that it had nothing to do with me, yet I still pick that up and hold tight to it at times as if it was really important.  Well I do that with alot of stuff, my career, my kids and their education (college tuition), my wife and her education expenses, my cars, my house, my, my , my, and I forget how to let go of this stuff and give it back to God as none of it is really mine.

Now that I have come back to this, and given it back to him I was talking about the blessings and the phrase “Let go and let God” in men’s group this morning, when the check was given to me by the leader of the group that this phrase can actually frustrate people so we need to be careful.  So I was like, “wait I never said it was easy, and for me it is not easy letting go of this stuff.  It was difficult” I explained. “I had to go to God in prayer every night and ask for His forgiveness for not trusting Him with my life.”  After a couple of weeks trying to do it on my own, as I did not know how to let go, and asking for His forgivenss everynight for not letting Him have it or trusting him with it, I finally was at the end of my rope of trying to make things work (more specifically trying to find a job), and I bent to my knees asked for forgiveness, threw my arms up in defeat, and said “God it is yours, wherever you want me to go, wehrever you need me, if I have to file bankruptcy, if I have to start over, if I have to lose my family, I am yours still and it is all yours. Take me where you want me to go, and I will follow.  I cannot hold on to this world this tight anymore.”  I left it at that.  The next day He blessed me with a new job thsat pays exactly what my family needed for our future.

The day after I was offered the job at the interview, I received a call from my prayer partner whasaid God was getting ready to bless me with more money this year.  I was like awesome I just got a job!  Well 5 minutes after that phone call I got a call from my new employer offering me a better position that paid 1.5 times what I had accepted from them the day before.  God is so awesome. 

So yes letting Go and letting God, though it may be a little cliche(ish), and it takes some work, will work.  You may have to go and tell God that you do not trust Him completely as I did and ask His forgiveness for the lack of trust, as we do hold on to our stuff so tightly that we forget that God gave it to us to begin with.  Some of the stuff that is not good or wonderful you should give to Him anyway as it was not from Him to begin with, yet we still hold on to some of the bad stuff too.  Bottom line, we came into this world with nothing but His Love and maybe the Love of others and will leave with nothing more than His love and maybe the Love of others.  We will not be taking any of this junky stuff with us when we go to heaven or into eternity, so we should loosen our kung fu grip, give it all back to Him and let Him bless us with what He knows we need.

Our preconceived notions of what we think we need, may not be as awesome as what He will give us when we let go of it all.  Let it go, Let God bless you as He sees fit.  Try to trust Him to do this for you, and if you are having a hard time trusting Him in this process, go to Him in prayer asking Him to forgive you.  He loves us so much that He will never let you suffer.  There may be pain, but to wallow in that pain is suffering that you do not need.  There is a huge difference. 

Father God, forgive my untrusting heart, thank you for your unfailing Love.  Thank you for everything you have given me, as all of this is yours anyway.  You have trusted me with these children, with this family, with this house and so many other blessings, help me to trust You with this life, and to let go of this strangle hold I have on things of this world.  In Jesus most mighty and wonderful name, Amen