Bent Wings

Bending wings against the outer realm,

Realizing dreams are reduced to Loving God,

Above all my hope in dreams have become,

Dreams of Hope in Love.

Clipped wings, falling straight down,

Bound by the flesh and the world which consumes,

I’ve misused my faith and gone astray,

Swayed from the love which feeds to the

sin that leads to death.

Climbing back on track,

before we reach the depths below,

Slow is this track back to His Glory,

My story is not finished yet Nate!!

Father please restore to me my place in your kingdom,

I’ve known no other freedom with a foundation,

Such a foundation based on this relationship,

No money or muscle could get me there,

No war, power, or fame, and no conjured blame,

Could I point my finger to for the Stray!!

I alone missed the mark Lord! Me!

Flew past it in pursuit of the dark,

Found that in this stride I let slide,

the one thing that made this life mine, You!!

A Love that satisfies any lust,

A love that frees us from the by product of mis-trust,

A love that gives us the ability to Love our neighbors,

and hate the sin.

A love that begins and ends in thanks on our knees,

in thanks to our dreams

in thanks to our friends,

in thanks to our future  and our memories.

You, father, are the reason for hope,

I am the dope that dropped the ball,

Begging forgiveness and the return or your ring

upon my naked hand,

I’ve not crash landed to my death yet,

Help me to lean on you,

Rise above the filth that i trudge through,

and be the man you once knew.

Here I am Lord pick me,

Standing on my knees to give you everything,

A dirty heart in Hand,

Help me to understand my foe,

Woe is me, who feigned his trust in Thee,

and let go of this only worthy dream.

I stand before you broken and contrite,

Fallen without a fight,

Arm in arm with the untrusting lust of the world,

and hurlded into Hell on earth.

Jesus let my death be more glorious than my earthly birth,

Help me to trust in your Spirit, Oh Lord!!

With Sword in hand,

and able to stand in the midst of adversity and shame,

Tame my heart and strengthen my soul,

for you Lord and only you can make me whole.

Heron

Coming to Jesus in a parking lot

So I came home, leaving a good paying job to do so.  After about 10 months without work, the bills were beginning to pile up.  I needed some quick money and the only thing I knew how to do was to sell drugs.  I made the decision to go back to the only life I knew.  On my way to Suffolk to start selling drugs again, I turned down the wrong road and something drew me into a church parking lot, where I intended to just turn around.  It ended up being the right road, and my life did turn around, it changed forever that day.

            “Something had driven me to go this direction and I actually stopped in a parking space.  I just sat there and turned the truck off and started having a conversation with God right there.  I thought I was going crazy.  I did not understand at first what was going on, but I knew it was Him.  I had never heard from Him like this before.  That is when I said, ‘God, if you are real then kill me or change me.’  He answered my prayers and did both.  Instantly He killed the old Anthony and changed me forever.” 

            “While I was out there in the parking lot, a lady had come out to see what I was doing, asked me if I was okay, as I said ‘yeah, I think so’.  She worked in the office of the church, making the comment to someone else in the church that there was a crazy guy out in the parking lot who looks like he just came from a motorcycle gang.  Then the youth pastor came out andI began to talk to him, and ended up going inside the church with him.  We sat in the youth room and talked for a few hours in there and he invited me to come back to church that night.  I came back that night to the service sat in the back row and gave my life to Christ. 

That is when I actually prayed the sinners’ prayer.  The youth pastor resigned that next day.  It was orchestrated from God to happen, otherwise I probably would not have been saved if I had come there any later.

2012-11-10 14.08.48

http://www.Miracleatthegarage.com

Forgiveness

I have stories of forgiveness in the book Miracle at the Garage, so with that big forgiveness, I felt that I had a blanket forgiveness to everyone and everything after that.  I found though through asking God to search me for any sin or any anger or anything that was getting in the way of our relationship.  In that search God revealed quite a few things; Selfishness, Pride, Impatience to name a few.  So I asked God for forgiveness, and he laid it on my heart to meditate and pray about my impatience.  Upon searching my should, God revealed to me, through my impatience where I had gotten mad at a man for the way he was driving and cutting people off.  He finally cut me off, and I was furious, and then later when I had inadvertently done the same to him, this man became furious with me, so much that he threatened me.  Well I will never forget how even angrier it made me, that he would have the gall to be mean after the things he had done to me and others.  This was a few years ago.  During prayer today, God brought that incident up to the front of my mind, and I realized that I still had anger towards him, and so I continued to search where else I had not released the anger, and found a few.  But now what, I asked God, how do I release that anger, so that these people and situations no longer had power over me?!?  Then graciously God let me dream about giving each of these entities a loving forgiving hug, and in projecting that hug and that love for my “neighbors”, I found forgiveness, and peace.  Thank you God, for giving me Your peace, Grace, and Love.

“Surely Goodness, and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the  House of the Lord forever.”

Determined to slide sideways on an ocean of clouds at dusks fainting hues, I subdued the animal instincts to choke the one making all the noise, Poised to attack still, gave the evil eye, he stopped, and painfully hung his head, Fled to the west on an endless flight from nowhere Dave, Can you see me? Bleeding the man in the white mansion, I felt a pain below, Catch me if you can, understand I’ll never come back to this Dave. You see God took my hand and made me free, Believing I can fly and feel and heal but when I did this I made them all uncomfortable. Issues of a challenged mind stark naked in the drivers seat, I sought refuge in the oceans womb for what seems an eternity. Still on this planet, wandering aimlessly with regards for my brain, It did 3 things right out of all the years of abuse, still I scold it just for spite, Delighted to stay out west, Might I return to a mundane existence of shopping carts and shovels, where love still blossoms? Ooohhh impossible decisions mate, Skating on the edge of disaster, plastering my thoughts against the window for all to see, I jerked a tear and death smiled.

I love Jesus with all my heart, and would like others to know that He loves you very much. He is the one that can solve every problem, forgive every sin, believe in you when others don’t, hug you when others won’t, smile when you need a friend, and hug you to no end. Love for Eternity is His game, won’t you join me in praise? He is my savior, my light, my salvation, my sight. He is THE conquerer, the calm in the storm, the Love of my life, the light of my love, Do you know Him? Jesus is Lord, the King of Kings, the earth and the sky, the sparkle in my eye. He is everywhere, the Alpha and Omega, the love in my heart, the part of me that will never die. Would you like to meet Him?

Happy New Year

ImageHappy New Year!! This statement has different meanings every year that I am alive.  As I reflect on the past year, I see blessings so huge that I realize more and more that God is not only in charge but is the reason for our moods as well.  When He blesses us we are happy, when we get lost in our own way and not rely on Him we struggle, when we do not see Him in our lives we get sad or mad.  When we feel His presence surrounding us we shine, smile, and so full of life and light.  Others will see this in us and ask us why, giving us the opportunity to tell others about His love and glory, giving way to “by the blood of the Lamband by the word of their testimony;” Rev. 12-11.  

So in this new year, I sit reflecting on the blessings and in wonder and hope that this New Year can only be better than the last.  Retirement from the Coast Guard, and now serving as a captain on the ocean, my first book published, though now I find myself not having time to write anymore, although my love is to sit and write about my Love of Christ.  So I am blessed with a new job that pays more than I have ever made,  but takes up all of my time so I realize that all I really want is to do is spend time with Him and my family.  With the pain that grows in my body from years of abuse at sea, it only serves as a reminder that I am done with this kind of life and need to go to a more simple life and write and spend time with Jesus and my family.  I was so full of Hope this time last year, that my book was coming out and my Coast Guard career was going to be over and I would be on to a new life with Christ, and I had a couple of months off where I went out west to go skiing and reflect on the past 20 plus years.  Now, though, I do not have that awesome filling of Hope as I did last year.  I have a Hope that I will be free of pain some day, and that I do not have to work like a slave anymore, and that I get more time with family and with God.  Sort of a sad Hope comparatively than last years, more of a desperate Hope, a gathering of the things that pain me that I want to flee from and flee to simultaneously. 

So….Happy New Year!  May God bless you, and give you what you are in desperate need of, keep the faith and know that He is a good God.  When you are in the storm of life look to Him and praise His Holy name, and when you are at peace, full of life light and love, look to Him and bless His Holy name. 

 

God in the war zone

Names will be changed to protect the innocent and deceased, but I need to tell you about God in the war zone in Iraq.

A certain transportation division was getting ready to go to Iraq, and so were having a kinda of going away party with family and friends.  The whole troop was there.  One of the guys (Roger, for the sake of having a name) got up and made a speech about going over.  After ten minutes of small talk, he said “If we do not come back all in tact as brothers in arms, then I ask God to take those of us who are not married or have children before He takes anyone else.”

In iraq for a couple of months now, the troop was travelling in a convoy of four different three axle trucks.  THey were all in a row as less chance of all of them being hit by trip wires or land mines.  When all of a sudden the last truck in the convoy got hit by a trip wire bomb.  The last truck!?!?!?  All three of the trucks before them had driven over the trip wire already (three axles each), and nothing.  The last truck was the only one carrying single guys, carrying Robert, who inadvertantly was killed by the blast.  The driver was left as a quadrapalegic which the blast was so hot it carterized his wounds immediately, and others were seriously hurt.  The first three trucks all had wives and children to go home to.

Dispute God now!!  There are no such things as coincidences, not where God is involved.  God is alive and protects us everyday.  Where is your war zone?  Ask God to intervene and He will.  I promise you.  He loves us all and is waiting for you to give up and let Him take it from here.  Just ask Him into your heart, and you will find that He is faithful to save us all.  I have told you before God is still in the Miracle business.  God Loves you, blessings.